


Just Go

by Chelsea072498



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Reader Insert, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 18:09:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14878719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chelsea072498/pseuds/Chelsea072498
Summary: Takes place after Sam and Dean get out of the prison in season 12. Dean pushes reader away when she tries to help him cope with what happened.





	Just Go

##  **Just Go**

She knew it wouldn’t be easy when Dean got back. Six weeks in a prison cell with nothing but his thoughts, an occasional meal, and silence would drive anyone crazy. Dean wasn’t anyone though.

Sam was happy to see her. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

Dean went straight to their room.

She followed him, immediately worried by the look in his eyes.

“Dean? Are you hungry? I can make you something while you shower.”

Dean shrugged. “Whatever.” He walked to the shower, his hands empty and she gathered a pair of boxers, a tee shirt, and the black pants he preferred to sleep in. As she neared the shower, she heard him crying. She longed to reach out to him, but she knew better. Dean never wanted anyone to see him like that. The one time she’d tried to comfort him, he’d threatened to throw her out of the bunker.

She set his things down and rushed to the kitchen. There wasn’t much food, but she managed to find one last frozen pizza. While it cooked, she grabbed his favorite tumbler, his favorite whiskey, and a couple of bottles of beer.

Dean was sitting against the headboard when she walked in. “I’ve got food and liquid refreshments.” She smiled.

“You think getting me drunk is going to help?” Dean asked her.

“I thought maybe you’d want a drink or two.” Y/N looked at him. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to….”

“Just go.”

She set the tray down on the nightstand. Dean grabbed it and threw it against the wall.

“I didn’t ask you to cook for me! I didn’t ask you for a damn thing! Just go!”

Y/N left the room and rushed to the library. She curled up in a corner and cried quietly. Around five in the morning, she pulled herself up and went to wash her face. She grabbed her purse and decided to get the grocery shopping out of the way.

When she arrived back at the bunker, Sam was making coffee, Mary was looking at a newspaper and Cas looked nervous.

“Hey,” she set the first load of groceries down. “I’ll make some breakfast once everything is in and put away.”

Dean didn’t come into the kitchen. Y/N was scared to bother him, but she was worried. She knocked on the door. It was strange to her that she had to knock on the door of a room she’d slept in for almost two years.

“What?”

“I made some breakfast. Would you like me to bring you some?”

“No.” Dean said. “Just go.”

“Dean,” she took a chance and opened the door. He didn’t look up when she entered. “I’m worried about you.”

“Y/N, I need some time.” He finally looked her way. “I’m sorry I kicked you out last night. I just needed some time.”

“Yeah, I get it.” She bit her lip. “Will you try and eat something?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

She sat next to him when she brought his plate. She reached for a magazine she’d been reading for weeks, hoping the recipes for pies would interest Dean.

“Damn it! Six weeks away and you forgot how to cook?”

“What’s wrong?” Y/N looked up.

“You put vegetables in my omelet.” He threw the plate down and she quickly cleaned it up.

“I started adding tomatoes and onions before….you said you thought it was good.”

“I lied.” He stood up and reached for a pair of jeans. “I’m going out.”

“Dean? Please. Talk to me. I know you’ve been through hell. I know this wasn’t easy for you…”

“Screw you! Y/N, you know nothing!” Dean changed his shirt and grabbed his boots. “Go screw up something else, okay?”

The next several weeks continued on the same. Dean was himself around Sam, Cas, and Mary. He was completely different with Y/N.

“How many times have I told you not to touch the seat?!” He screamed. “How many times have I told you not to drive my car?!”

“I told you I had a flat tire! You said you’d get to it. It was a week ago. Sam was letting me use his truck but I needed to go to town and he’s not here. You wouldn’t answer me and I got sick of waiting.”

“I hate that you are so impatient!” Dean picked up a picture frame. He stared at the picture before throwing it against the wall. “I love you, Y/N. I really do. But I could list a hell of a lot of things I hate about you.”

 ** _“If you love me, you’re going to have to love all the things about me_** ” Y/N said.

“I can’t do that.” Dean said. “Not right now. Maybe never again.”

She felt her eyes water and rushed away from him. Sam walked in just after she left and shook his head.

“What did you say now?”

“I don’t know, Sammy. I can’t stop hurting her.” Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m going out to the garage for a few hours.”

Dean felt normal for the first time in weeks as he worked on Y/N’s car, then the Impala. He understood where his rage was coming from. He knew he had to make things right and try to explain himself before it was too late.

He rushed to the room they shared. He saw the bags and knew he’d done it.

He’d pushed her away.

“Y/N?”

“What?” She walked back into the room. “What did I screw up now?”

“Nothing.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her for the first time since the night before he and Sam were taken into custody. “I’m the one who screwed up.”

He kissed her again but he knew instantly she wasn’t responding. “Sweetheart, what is it?”

“You can’t do this to me.” She told him as she pushed him away. “Dean, I’ve stood by for weeks and let you treat me like complete crap. I did it because I love you and I knew that whatever you were doing was a result of that place…”

“You don’t know what it was like.” He reached for her. “You don’t know how much I…”

“I don’t know anything about it because you haven’t wanted to talk to me. I didn’t ask Sam because I wanted you to tell me.” She wiped her eyes. “I almost asked him though, but I was scared.”

“I know things between us haven’t been great, except in one area….”

“You call what we do in bed great? It feels good, Dean, it feels amazing in the moment. And then you rolled over and I don’t exist until you’re angry or horny.”

“I’ve been a real dick…”

“Yes, you have.” Y/N cried. “I’ll deal with it though. I love you too much to leave.”

Dean stared into her beautiful eyes and knew it was time to make a decision he’d never thought he’d make. He knew he’d lose her one day but he truly thought she’d die or choose to leave.

He never imagined that he’d be the one choosing to make her leave.

“Y/N, I love you.”

She touched his cheek. “I love you, Dean. I’m sorry things got as bad as they did. I’m here for you, Baby. I’m here for you…”

He kissed her deeply, sweetly, and held her as close as he could. She realized this was different.

This felt like a goodbye.

“Just go.” He whispered.

“Dean?”

He touched her cheeks. “Sweetheart, just go.”

“No,” she shook her head. “I made you a promise, Dean Winchester. I promised..”

“It’s okay.” He kissed her again. This was going to be the last time he’d touch her.

“Just go.” He turned away from her.

Y/N wasn’t sure for a moment if she should listen or not. She had packed her bags, out of anger, but even then she was sure she wouldn’t leave. “Dean?”

He didn’t respond.

She walked to him. His back was to her and she decided against turning him around. Instead she stood on tiptoed and kissed his cheek. “I will always love you.”

“Just go.”

She grabbed her bags and gave him one last look before dashing through the bunker to the garage. She waited for a few minutes, convinced he was going to come after her.

He didn’t.

She started the car and left the bunker, Dean, Sam and her heart behind. She pulled over and debated whether to go back and fight Dean or keep driving.

Just go. The voice in her head whispered. Go where? Home to the man she loved or to a new place with new people and the chance to maybe move on?

Y/N looked at the picture of Dean she kept in her car and put it in the glovebox. She started the engine and drove.

She drove in the opposite direction of the bunker. 


End file.
